Medieval Problems

I am ashamed to admit that I, King Henry VIII, have been accused of having commitment issues! A good friend of mine, who's name shall not be revealed, had casually brought up that I have had many wives in the past. At first, I did not think much of it. After all, it was fairly normal to have more than one wife. Then, this friend had brought it to my attention of the "cruel ways I broke up with all of my wives." Can you believe the nerve of that scoundrel! My reasons for cutting ties was completely reasonable and understandable! My first wife, Catherine, had failed to produce a male heir, which rendered her completely useless. What was the point of staying with her if she couldn't birth a son! Anne Boleyn also failed to birth a son, and not only that, she was also a witch! Wife #3 was Jane Seymour, who had finally gave birth to my son, Prince Edward. She died after she gave birth but... oh well. I married Anne of Cleves for what you would call a "business arrangem...

I hath been fighting such a monster named Grendel for a small while. I hath recently defeated that hideous monster, though I'm sure you have heard of my great perilous feat from word around the town. In other words, the monster's mother has approached the terrified town of the Land of the Danes. Most see me as a heroic icon and I fear that I cannot defeat such a beast as its mother. I do not want to ruin my reputation by asking the public for help and ruining my heroic image, but I hath not an idea but what to do when fighting this beast. Please Help! My well how could someone have not heard of you and your perilous fight. My only advice to you is to see the light in your situation. Remember: You are the great Beowulf, you are the son of Beowulf, you are the father of Beowulf and no one can ever take that away from you. Look for strength in your mind to pull through to defeat this horrid beast.

@CrusadeFighter asked: I hath fought through 3 tiring, painful, gruesome crusades. Each one hath made me weary. I fear for now that I have fallen very ill. I hath have been told that I have such swollen lymph nodes by several nobles and peasants. They fear that my illness will effect such health as mine. I hath also experienced blood of my coughs and fatigue of thou body. Those around me fear for mine life, but shall it really effect me?  'Tis a sad evening for me to inform thou of poor well being. I believe that you have such of a disease as horrible and gruesome as the Black Plague. From the coughs of blood to your swollen lymph nodes, I am displeased to inform you that you not long to live. There a few cures, though they haven't had much of an improvement on the body. If you hath painful bumps, known as buboes, located in thou groin, armpits, or neck, I suggest that you attempt to break them open, for the poison is located in here. If you are unable to break them, you may...